Cell Phone Etiquette: Your Phone Can Wait

We live in a world where our phones are rarely more than a few inches away from us, and cell phone etiquette has become a little more complicated than simply turning the volume down.

And I get it.

We have children. Babysitters. Aging parents. Work. Bosses. Clients. Patients. Friends having surgery. Family emergencies. Sometimes we are simply waiting for a call or text that we really do need to receive.

I am certainly not an etiquette expert, and goodness knows I have broken plenty of etiquette rules myself over the years.

But after spending decades around weddings, celebrations and dinner tables, I have started wondering:

When did being reachable become more important than being present?

Cell Phone Etiquette at Weddings

Most guests understand that phones should be silenced during a wedding ceremony.

But somehow, once we get to the reception, all bets are off.

I cannot tell you how many times I have watched a Maid of Honor, Best Man, parent or close friend stand up to give a toast while a phone starts ringing somewhere in the room.

And then another one.

As a wedding planner, I have seen what goes into some of those speeches.

Not everyone can stand up, grab a microphone and effortlessly entertain a room.

I have helped people work on their speeches in dressing rooms, hallways and even parking lots. They have written them, rewritten them, practiced them and worried about them for days — sometimes months.

Public speaking anxiety is a very real fear for a lot of people.

So when someone finally works up the courage to stand in front of 100 or 200 guests and say something heartfelt about two people they love, perhaps we can give them three or four minutes of our undivided attention.

Instagram will still be there.

Cell Phone Etiquette at the Dinner Table

This one may be even closer to my heart.

Someone invites you into their home for dinner.

They shop.

They cook.

They set the table.

They clean the house — or at least the rooms they hope you will see.

They light the candles.

They serve dinner.

And after everyone leaves, they clean it all up.

Then, somewhere between the salad and the main course, a guest answers the phone at the table and begins having a conversation.

There are very few things that can make everyone else at a dinner table feel invisible quite as quickly.

Of course, there are exceptions.

If you are expecting an important call, simply tell your host and the people sitting with you.

“My daughter is home with a babysitter tonight, so I may need to take a call.”

“My friend is having surgery today, and I am waiting to hear from her family.”

“I am on call for work tonight, so please forgive me if I have to step away.”

Everyone understands real life.

And when the call comes, excuse yourself, go into another room, keep it as brief as circumstances allow and then come back to the table.

No drama. No judgment. No problem.

If you truly need to keep your phone nearby, place it face down and turn the volume as low as reasonably possible.

Because there is a difference between having your phone available and allowing your phone to join the dinner party.

Being Present May Be the New Luxury

We spend so much time talking about beautiful flowers, wonderful food, spectacular tables and extraordinary venues.

But perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give someone today costs absolutely nothing.

Attention.

When someone is speaking, listen.

When someone has invited you to dinner, be there.

When your best friend is nervously holding a microphone at her sister’s wedding, give her the room.

There will always be another email.

Another text.

Another notification.

Another call.

But some moments do not come around again.

And every once in a while, your phone really can wait.